Bizarro Video: Jimmy James has fancy plans, and pants to match.

I'm laughing at this even as I type. Today's Bizarro Video is a bit of a departure from tradition (that I just decided is, indeed, a tradition. It's my site, dammit.) in that it's not a music video. But if ever there was a reason to watch a video that isn't music, it's because this exists. Aaaaanyway, let me set it up for you. The clip is from that immortal sitcom, NewsRadio. In the aforementioned clip, the president of the news company, Jimmy James (played to perfection by Stephen Root. The man is a genius.) wrote a book about his rise to financial independence. However, he had the book published in Japan to save a few bucks. It was translated into Japanese, then back into English, with the following hilarity as the result. Keep a close eye out, as the clip also features a young Brian Posehn. Watch it, and I dare you not to pee your pants.

(For more mistranslated hilarity, go check out Engrish.com. You'll thank me. Or maybe not. Either way, you'll be entertained far longer than my meager site will allow.)

Bizarro Video: HORSE The Band

Horse the band - Birdo

Today's Bizarro Video comes to us from HORSE The Band. The video itself is no more bizarre than your average music video, but man, I LOVE these guys. The best description I can think of is hardcore, avant-garde, old-school video game-tinged metal. Everyone in the band gets 100% into what they're doing, but pay special attention to the keyboardist. I think he may be pretending he's a robot. It's hilarious, but at the same time, it rocks so damn hard. He's more metal than a lot of guys in traditional metal bands. Adding to the geeky deliciousness of HORSE The Band, he exclusively uses the Little Sound DJ chip in his keyboard, which makes it sound just like the classic NES and Game Boy. Think about it. NES music mixed with hardcore art metal. Nah, don't think about it, just listen. The song is called Birdo, and you guessed it, it's about that infamous boss from Super Mario Bros. 2.

Classic advertising at its meaty, saucy best.

Now that we're into 2009, I'd like to do the time warp and bring us back to the late 1940s, when men were men, people would walk a mile for a Camel and the cold war prompted food companies to come up with all kinds of long-shelf-life canned food for people's bomb shelters. These days, the only meat in a can is fish, SPAM, its knockoffs and those nasty little vienna sausages. But the stomach-churning factor of those pale in comparison with our feature today. May I present to you:

The Oscar Meyer Can O' Meat with Sack O' Sauce.



I love the name, it describes the inevitably coppery-tasting tubes of mystery meat so well. If you're not vomiting already, think about how much lower food safety standards were in 1948. God knows what was in those things. But hey, they put the BBQ sauce in a conveniently hot-dog-slime covered pack right in the can for you!

Here's another one, not only grossing us out but illustrating how much more innocent America was way back when:



"The Wiener the world awaited!" Oscar Meyer would be laughed out of existence if they ran an ad like this today. In theory, at least. Then again, I saw an SUV with a window sticker that said simply "Cocks" the other day. It's a sports team, I suppose, but come on, people, you must WANT to be pointed out and laughed at. Also, "Wieners that get their flavor from the meat itself!" What's THAT supposed to mean? Where did they get their flavor from previously? Never mind, I'm sorry I asked. *urp*

Wow, looking over this post, I almost wish I hadn't written that. But this is such a golden example of classic post-war advertising, proving that for at least 60 years, Americans will buy any damn thing the media shoves down their throats. Even a Can O' Meat with a Sack O' Sauce.

Still not feeling pukey? Try this!