Foolproof

Bizarro Video: Friday On My Mind

2009-09-17T00:07:00.005-04:00

Here's a blast from the past, Dedicated Readers. I just recently watched a fantastic movie, entitled "The Boat That Rocked," featuring the ingenious talents of none other than Philip Seymour Hoffman, Kenneth Branagh, Bill Nighy and Nick Frost. It's about a pirate rock radio station that broadcasted from a ship in the North Sea off the coast of the British Isles in the 1960s. It's a wonderful movie.

But even better than the movie is the soundtrack, which features the talents of bands such as The Troggs, The Kinks, Cream, Procol Harum, and The Bystanders.

Perhaps the most treasured gem on this soundtrack (to me, at least), however, is the one by the mostly-forgotten-by-now EasyBeats, entitled Friday On My Mind.

Here it is, in all its glory. Please, take a listen. It's better than anything that's been on rock radio in the past 2 years. There's that, at least.

How is it Bizarro, you ask? Just watch the singer.

Bizarro Video: Dokken Versus Chicken

2009-09-10T15:04:00.001-04:00

Sorry it's been awhile, Dedicated Readers. I wanted that crazy Czech video to be in the spotlight for awhile. Still makes me laugh every time.

Anyway, here's some more Norton Antivirus madness. This one's awesome, though, perhaps the antithesis to their GI Joe crossover. This video features now-geriatric rockers Dokken, representing a virus, threatening a raw chicken, which represents your computer. I don't get it either. But it's pretty damn funny, and more than worthy of the Bizarro Video name.

Run, don't walk, to...Dokken Versus Chicken.

Bizarro Video: Czech Your Head

2009-08-20T15:09:00.002-04:00

Dedicated Readers, I just found this, and still can't stop laughing at it. Thanks to the wonders of the Interweb, this video has come back to haunt the world from 1978. This is why I try to avoid being videotaped.

Of note here is the BEST DANCER EVER. I love how the camera pulls back every time the chorus comes up, and he for some reason runs up on the stage every time. What was he doing back there? Also, by the third chorus, even the stoic, emotionless singer can't take it, and begins laughing, anticipating the running up and goofy dancing of this guy. Then there's the weirdo near the end that just walks onscreen, does a scary/funny face, and just walks off. Wha? Why?

Anyway, this entertains me to no end, so in a spectacular return to the true spirit of Bizarro Video, I give you...Czech Your Head.

The joys of cross-marketing.

2009-08-16T12:57:00.004-04:00

I'm always entertained to see goofy, unrelated things inexplicably branded with something I like. Such is the case with the new Norton Internet Security, which has Snake Eyes on it, and is being likened to the GI Joe team. I found this over at Topless Robot.

From Buy.com's product description:

Norton and G.I. Joe Team Up
G.I. Joes secret team of highly trained experts is organized to defend humankind against global domination whenever and wherever theres a mission. As part of the teams special ops, the Joes always know about the evil doings of the Cobra organization before it takes over the world.

Likewise, Norton is always working to detect emerging threats before they take over your computer. Nortons speed and strength is a smart and ready defense that goes unnoticed but is incredibly effective when it makes a preemptive move.

Together, Norton and G.I. Joe will strike first before online evils do.

Oh, but it gets better. Norton is having a sweepstakes, which you can enter here.

So it appears that they've fully integrated Norton with the GI Joe image. They have a comparison page that likens GI Joe to Norton Security, character by character. My favorite bit:

Like Snake Eyes, Norton Internet Security 2009 nimbly anticipates malware's next moves, proactively blocking threats to stop online identity theft, viruses, spyware and other enemy threats dead in their tracks.

Because that's exactly what Snake Eyes does.

Bizarro...picture?

2009-08-12T21:11:00.005-04:00

Yep. Found this one over at Cracked.com, a site that's much funnier than its magazine namesake (and far funnier than I'd actually like to admit), and just had to throw it up here.
The Ghostbusters could have just done this, thereby avoiding that messy "sequel" business.

Bizarro Video: The Ballad of G.I. Joe

2009-08-10T15:37:00.002-04:00

Holy mother of Jeebus. Dedicated Readers, this is the best GI Joe-related video I've ever seen. Funny or Die, one of my favorite sites, just posted this video, a song detailing what the members of Joe and Cobra do in their downtime. And when I say it's star-studded, I mean it.

Henry Rollins as Duke, Billy Crudup as Zartan, Julianne Moore as Scarlett, Zach Galifiankais as Snow Job, Olivia Wilde as The Baroness, Sgt. Slaughter as Himself, Chuck Liddell as Gung Ho, Laz Alonso as Doc, Alexis Bledel as Lady Jaye, Tony Hale as Dr. Mindbender, Vinnie Jones as Destro, Joey Kern as Tomax and Xamot, Alan Tudyk as Shipwreck, Jamin Fite as Cobra Commander, Frankie Kang as Storm Shadow, Geoff Mann as Buzzer, Andreas Owald as Snake Eyes, Daniel Strange as Torch and Kevin Umbricht as Ripper.

This is truly unbelievable. Without further ado, I present to you all...

The Ballad of G.I. Joe

Bizarro Video: The best geek quintet ever.

2009-08-10T13:40:00.002-04:00

I saw this today over at Topless Robot and I just had to post it here, not to steal it, just to have it where I can watch it whenever I want.

Submitted for your approval, a quintet of geniuses. Young, yes. Talented, no doubt. Brings a tear to your eye? Perhaps.

Judge for yourself as you watch...Seattle's "Marrowstone in the City" program members performing some of the best video game covers I've ever heard.

The Invasion of Cobra Island

2009-08-06T14:37:00.008-04:00

Disclaimer: I apologize if this video autoplays, I tried everything, and sometimes it does, and sometimes it doesn't. But you were going to watch it anyway, right? RIGHT?

So, Dedicated Readers, tomorrow is opening day of the new GI Joe movie, The Rise of Cobra. As you may know, it's a huge departure from the GI Joe we all know and love. I, personally, am excited to see it. Stylish Storm Shadow, Snake Eyes with a mouth, Wayans and all.

BUT, in an attempt to satiate the core fanbase of collectors (mostly people like myself who grew up collecting GI Joe), Paramount made this video, entitled "The Invasion of Cobra Island."

It's done with the 25th Anniversary Joe figures, some great backdrops, various computer effects to make their faces move as they talk, and pretty serviceable voice acting.

Plus, it's funny as hell.

It's a great nod to the 80's cartoon series, and I think you should watch...The Invasion of Cobra Island.

Quote of the day

2009-07-24T02:45:00.001-04:00

This comedy is all just part of my "Get Rich Slow" scheme. And it's working. -Mitch Hedberg. R.I.P.

More Foolproofness.

2009-07-23T17:34:00.001-04:00

Douglas Adams, genius author of "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" and its corresponding books, once said, "A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." Just thought that was appropriate to post.

Bizarro Video: Heaven and Hell

2009-07-15T03:37:00.002-04:00

Dedicated Readers, I have a truly, TRULY special double feature for you today. I was made aware of it thanks to Coheed and Cambria via Facebook, and man. I just don't know how these old codgers can still rock so damn hard. I've always been a huge Black Sabbath fan, but never much of a Dio guy. I always thought they were best in the Ozzy days.

But this is 2009, and Ozzy's a doddering old burnout now, who can apparently be talked into anything.

This is amazing, frankly. Geezer butler still rips it up on the bass, Vinny Appice is still as good, if not better, than Bill Ward in his prime, and Tony Iommi is better than ever, fake fingertips and all. Dio is still, well, Dio. Still doing the devil horns the wrong way. I don't give a damn that he invented that. You show the BACK of the hand. He's looking a bit like Richard Simmons these days, don't you think? I kid, Dio is a metal god. Or devil. I'm confused now. Anyway, his voice is still mostly intact, which is more than I can say for most singers from that era.

Anyway, this video is of a song from the Black Sabbath album of the same name. It was very well loved in its day, as is evidenced by all the bald male heads that can be seen as the camera pans the crowd from behind. I implore you, stay for the whole 15 or so minutes. You'll be glad you did. Iommi's solo itself is UNBELIEVABLE. The song recalls the days of IROC Camaros and corresponding hair. If you're old enough, you'll be transported back to a simpler time. If you're too young, you can appreciate just what the hell those old bastards are talking about.

So without any more fussin' and fightin', I give to you...Heaven and Hell.

Bizarro Video: Go G.I. Joe!

2009-07-14T00:34:00.002-04:00

Being a huge G.I. Joe fan, Dedicated Readers, I have no idea how I didn't know this existed until a few moments ago: The Japanese voice dub for the 80's G.I. Joe cartoon! It's brilliant!

...ly terrible, which is why it's today's Bizarro Video.

I'll set it up for you: Cobra is trying to do some crazy thing to take over the world and it's up to G.I. Joe to stop them. You know, the same as pretty much every 80's GI Joe cartoon episode.

Cobra Commander is truly an assault on the ears in this iteration, with the terrible "Plate Reverb" effect on his voice, and in this classic episode, as usual, he does plenty of screaming. Zartan sounds about 80 years old, and is missing his really cool voice effect. If you listen closely, they even had a guy voice Snake Eyes' pet wolf, Timber. I'm just glad they kept Snake Eyes himself silent. Watch for Destro in the train near the end, he sounds truly nightmarish.

Of special note is the use of Star Wars sound effects: A Lightsaber for the elevator door, the Blaster "firing" sound for the garbage pod launching from the space station, and the TIE Fighter "Whoosh" sound for the Skystrikers, all of which are so out of place it's unnerving.

I love goofy stuff like this. In case you hadn't noticed.

Without any further preamble...Go G.I. Joe!

Bizarro Video: Seu Jorge

2009-07-10T23:53:00.002-04:00

Here's something new, Dedicated Readers! A video that's familiar, yet foreign. Strange, yet beautiful. Those of you that have seen "The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou" will know it, and hopefully love it. Seu Jorge did a whole album of David Bowie covers for this movie, only he did them all in Portugues, and with a nylon-string acoustic guitar. One of the best moments in music. Ever. Period. Today's featured Bizarro Video is Mr. Jorge performing Bowie's "Lady Stardust." Not much I can say about it, other than...just listen.

Bootleg of the month: Dude Love

2009-06-25T16:53:00.006-04:00

Finally, Dedicated Readers, I've found something to write about that isn't a weird video. Aren't I proud of me? Yes I am. Today, we'll be looking at a fine example of an unlicensed "Wrestling Figure," as this one is brand-named. I found it at a local Dollar General. I paid, you guessed it, a dollar.

Now, just so you all know, I'm nowhere near a wrestling fan, but I am a fan of cheap, low-quality, unlicensed action figures. I don't know what it is about them, but I just find them hilarious. Just look at him.

I do know Dude Love is a character created by Mick Foley, a wrestler who also has 2 other personalities: Cactus Jack and Mankind. If I could find figures of those two distributed by "Dolgencorp," as this one is, I'd be ecstatic. Normally, I open most of my action figures, but this guy is such a shining example of crap in a package, I just have to leave him on the card.

Here's an example of a quality, officially licensed Dude Love figure, so you can see for yourself how they measure up:

If you're not laughing right now, I apologize. I sure am.

Be sure to tune in to the next Bootleg of the Month, where I'll pit 25th GI Joes against Team Xtreme and whatever those figures CVS has are. (Yeah, those are knockoffs, but still.) Big hands! Huge chests! Tiny heads! Next to no articulation!

Bizarro Video: Some more juicy Girl Talk

2009-06-12T22:35:00.002-04:00

Dedicated readers, I cannot stress enough the genius that is Girl Talk. Here's another one for you, "Overtime," one of my favorites by Mr. Gregg Gillis, the curator and creator of these wonderful mashups. Note that at the end of the video, there's a bit of a public service message. Evidently, this genius that Gillis has created is illegal. you can support this fair use of music at his website, Illegal Art Records. You can download Girl Talk's last 2 albums, Night Ripper and Feed the Animals, for free, or you can choose to pay and support good music. Either way you choose, you're in for an amazing experience. So sit back, open up the ol' mind, and get ready for some...Overtime.

Bizarro Video: Bizarro!

2009-06-07T21:29:00.004-04:00

I've had quite a long day, Dedicated Readers, and I need cheering up. What better way than by posting Bizarro Video's namesake? OK, so there are better ways, but this will do for now. In this video from the crazy, random, undeniably hilarious Sealab 2021, the Sealab has been taken over by "Bizarro" doppelgangers of ol' Murphy Murph and the crew. What makes them Bizarro, you ask? Why, because every other word they say is, you guessed it, "Bizarro!" Honestly, I was at a loss as to what to post today, so I took the easy way out. So sue me. Or don't. Either way, giggle maniacally as you witness...Bizarro!

Bizarro Video: Artificial intelligence will be the end of us all.

2009-06-03T15:26:00.006-04:00

Dedicated Readers, this is a very interesting, yet highly frightening video I've found. At E3, the world's biggest video game convention, Microsoft has unveiled a piece of tech called Natal. With this, a person can interact with an artificially intelligent character in a virtual world via camera. Sounds neat, right? Yes, but watch the video and tell me the world isn't going to end in a matter of years. I'm frankly too flabbergasted to think of anything more to say about it.

Bizarro Video: Total Eclipse of the...huh?

2009-05-30T04:13:00.002-04:00

Dedicated Readers, you're in luck. I decided to post 2 in a row today! But only because I found this little ditty. I'm sure you've seen the "Literal Videos" that are floating around this wondrous interweb of ours, in which the lyrics are re-recorded so they're singing about what's happening on the screen, and I may have found the funniest one yet. This is the Literal Video of Bonnie Tyler's "Total Eclipse of the Heart," and...well, just watch.

Bizarro Video: The Touch? Not so much.

2009-05-30T03:33:00.004-04:00

Hey, speaking of 80's cheese rock, (What? I was! Not here, but I promise you I was!) did you guys see how badly Stan Bush butchered his own song, The Touch, for the new Transformers movie? Or rather, how the production company offered him a ton of money and convinced him it was OK to butcher his own song for the new Transformers movie? If you don't know it, it's the main song they played in the original, animated Transformers movie, and it also made a cameo as the song Dirk Diggler sang (very badly) in Boogie Nights while John C. Reilly danced along. Great song if you like that sort of thing, which I do. Well, now that Michael Bay has taken over the Transformers, he's not satisfied with just ruining a classic children's franchise. He obviously wants to ruin Stan Bush's only legacy. And I think he's done it.
Just so this post doesn't completely suck, I've included the original, fist pumping version above the new, Linkin-Parked-out version. I warn you, It's terrible. Cringe in pity at...The Touch (Sam's Theme).

Bizarro Video: Ahnuld Abroad

2009-05-27T02:44:00.002-04:00

Wow, it's easy to lose track of time. Sorry about that, Dedicated Readers.
Today, I've got a good one for you. Don't you love it when American TV and film stars are tapped for selling inane products in foreign markets? I sure do, because they end up doing things like today's video. Witness Arnold Schwarzenegger, star of action films galore and (sic) current governor of California, hawk some cheap "pui pui" drink! Marvel as he skillfully mispronounces words in yet another language! Thrill as he rides some superhero hang glider thing with a small Asian woman on his back! Scream right back at Ahnuld in...Ahnuld Abroad.

Bizarro Video: Retarded Policeman

2009-05-20T20:20:00.002-04:00

Dedicated Readers, I have to share this one with you. If you haven't seen this already, it's called Retarded Policeman. It involves , you guessed it, a Police Officer with Down Syndrome pulling people over and being unbelievably funny. Now, I don't necessarily support making fun of people with disabilities, but this is the funniest thing I've seen in a long time, and Josh "The Ponceman" Perry (The Policeman in question) seems to have had a blast making it. There's a whole series of these on Youtube, and it even made its way onto DVD. Try not to feel guilty as you laugh at...The Retarded Policeman.

Bizarro Video: Fenslerfilm's G.I. Joe PSAs

2009-05-20T15:43:00.006-04:00

Ah man, do I have a weird one for you today, Dedicated Readers. A group known as Fenslerfilm took the old public service announcements from the G.I. Joe cartoon, evidently took a whole lot of "medication," and re-voiced & re-cut them in today's video. They're infinitely bizarre, strange, and pretty darn hilarious. My personal favorites are Doc singing "Bus Rida" at the window, Barbecue freaking out a couple of kids, and Albert "Alpine" Pine (love that name!) doing his best Beaker impression. I warn you, these are very childish and sophomoric, therefore it's NSFW. Lot of cursing. Scratch your head in puzzlement as you witness...The Best Of G.I. Joe PSAs.

Review-O-Rama: Mastodon - Crack the Skye

2009-05-19T16:43:00.008-04:00

It's time for some new music, Dedicated Readers! On the block today is Mastodon's new album, entitled Crack the Skye. Rarely in these times of soulless merchandising in the media do I come across an album from a Grammy-nominated band that is so heavy, so involving, so immersive that I just can't stop listening to it. Crack the Skye is one of those albums. It moves like the band's namesake: beautiful, majestic, yet crushingly heavy. Each note is perfectly joined to the rest, the layers flowing and rich, creating a soundscape you can easily get yourself lost in. If you're a fan of heavy music, or, dare I say, good music, do yourself a favor and pick up this album. Above, I've included the video for the first single from Crack the Skye, "Divinations." Enjoy!

More Trek Wars

2009-05-16T17:13:00.003-04:00

I'm not sure I'll ever tire of these Star Trek/Star Wars mashups. It's the most enduring and hotly debated rivalry in all of Geekdom, for whatever that's worth. I like calling them the Trek Wars. You could also call them, say, Star Star, but that's just silly.
Here's an extremely well done scene I found at StupidVideos.com, in which I'd have to say Star Wars is, uh, definitely winning. The Stormtrooper fist bump makes the video. Root for your team in...Death Star vs. Enterprise.

Bizarro Video: Peter Serafinowicz

2009-05-15T08:38:00.002-04:00

Peter Serafinowicz: 50 Impressions, 2 Mins

Hello again, Readers I'm Not Sure Are Actually There At All Even Though I Keep Talking To You As If You Were. Today's Bizarro Video was shipped to us all the way from a magical land called Great Britain, also known as England or, sometimes, the U.K. The subject is Peter Serafinowicz, one of my favorite comedians of recent times. He's been in some movies you may have heard of, such as Shaun of the Dead (Pete) and Star Wars (The voice of Darth Maul). He was also once in an episode of Little Britain, a feat he'd not repeat. Ever. I don't know why, I love that show. Anyway, here he is doing 50 impressions in 2 minutes. The fact that these are impressions of people he made up does not detract from the comedic value of this video. Watch, laugh, repeat. And please, leave me some comments so I know you're there! I'm so lonely...

The Trek Wars continue unabated.

2009-05-14T13:49:00.005-04:00

Dearest Dedicated Readers, have you seen the new Star Trek film? Did it seem a bit, oh, I don't know, familiar in some way? Well, here's why. Good old CollegeHumor.com has exposed this juggernaut for what it is. Which is a total rip of Episode IV.

It's a mad, mad, mad, mad Vader.

2009-05-12T23:56:00.006-04:00

Good evening, Dedicated Readers. I hope you read and enjoyed my little manifesto yesterday. Most coherent thing I've been able to write in a long time. I'd like to thank my friend Gamble from my digital home away from home, HissTank.com, for the inspiration.
Anywhom, Today I figured I'd lighten things up a bit, geek out (yeah, like that's a change) and post one of my favorite Star Wars videos. Darth Vader has been cooped up in that suit far too long. In this particular alternate galaxy far far away, by the time the Rebels rise up to defeat the Empire, he's gone absolutely batty. In our reality, it's actually just James Earl Jones' voice from other movies pasted into Star Wars scenes, with hilarious result. I know this is a few years old, and you've probably seen this already. But this is my site, and I'll put what I like! (I love saying that!) And nobody can deny this one never gets old. Use the Force with...The Vader Sessions.

I am what I am.

2009-05-12T01:51:00.000-04:00

I'm Foolproof. Real name's Jason. My life's work, my mission, if you will, is to build a better fool. I'll be the best fool I can possibly be when I die. And if I can help others be better fools along the way, all the better.
Because isn't that really the human condition? We spend all our lives lying to ourselves, convincing ourselves that it's not that bad, the world isn't really that savage of a place. We learn differently on a regular basis. So we try even harder to distract ourselves with anything we can find to make it all hurt a little less. Some of us can't unsee the horrors we've seen. If we're lucky, we can integrate these cold, soulless things into ourselves and still function well enough to go on day after day.
These things we do, art, technology, sports, whatever it is you do, these distractions, they are what make us human. To fool yourself is to be human, and therefore I will always be building a better fool.

Bizarro Video: Feed The Gods

2009-05-11T03:45:00.004-04:00

White Zombie - Feed the Gods

Do you remember the days before Rob Zombie made movies? The days before he sold his crappy solo brand of dance metal on the merit of his videos alone? I do. He was frontman of a band called White Zombie, and they were absolutely fantastic. After struggling through 4 unsuccessful, mostly flavorless albums, they released 2 metal gems in a row upon the unsuspecting public before breaking up for a reason that isn't good enough, whatever that reason was. Don't get me wrong, Dedicated Readers, I love his movies. But I love White Zombie even more. This video is from the Airheads soundtrack, a beauteous add-in to an altogether cheesy as hell movie. But I love it anyway. The song and the movie. Rock your face in with...Feed the Gods.

The Abyss Gazes Also

2009-05-11T03:15:00.002-04:00

So, Dedicated Readers, have you read Watchmen? I'm about halfway through, and...Wow. What a fantastic book. I just started chapter 6, so I just got through with the part about Rorschach, Moloch and the police. I am Jack's unwavering interest. This story has everything. Well, maybe not everything, but more than enough. It's also the most twisted, dark, and just...unsettling thing I've read in a long time, which is just my style. I was unaware that it would keep me up till 4am every night, unable to sleep because I have to know what happens next. I'm not even really huge on comics, I'm usually a "books with no pictures" kind of guy. But the story of the masked vigilantes couldn't have been told better than it has by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons.

I refuse to watch the movie until I finish this book. Maybe twice. I want to take in all the details.

Brick love lamp.

2009-05-10T03:55:00.002-04:00

I had a tough time choosing a good video today, Dedicated Readers. But I was talking to Reverend Eric today and he's never seen the majestic Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, so my mouse settled upon this gem. Marvel if you will at the genius that is Steve Carell playing the funniest role I've ever seen him in: Brick Tamland, weatherman for Channel 4 San Diego. You stay classy, Dedicated Readers.

You've got red on your garden.

2009-05-09T01:51:00.005-04:00

I've got to admit, it's good to be back, Dedicated Readers. I've got to be doing something creative to be happy, and this is a pretty good place for it.

Today's video comes to us from a PopCap game, strangely enough. It's a new one, and it's called Plants Vs. Zombies. I'm intimately familiar with this game already, as I just watched my wife play it for about 3 hours straight, which is, coincidentally, the exact amount of time it takes to actually become a zombie by playing it.

If you're familiar with PopCap games, you know them for their obsessive clickiness. That's probably how most of you ended up here in the first place. Plants Vs. Zombies delivers all the clicking you can handle, and then some. Also, a blatant Thriller ripoff, which is awesome.

But that's not the important part here.

The important part is today's video, which is phenomenally catchy, zombie-themed, and bloody hilarious. I will admit it's a little bit poppy, but it works here. You have been duly warned. Enjoy... Zombie On Your Lawn.

Then, go get the game here.

Cue the lights!

2009-05-07T00:40:00.002-04:00

...Aaaaand I'm back. I do apologize for the long absence, dedicated readers. My wife and I moved into a new house and had no internet service for awhile. But I have returned with more arbitrary nonsense for your aural and visual pleasure.
In my absence, I've come across a fantastic musical...act, I suppose is the best word. He calls himself Girl Talk, and his modus operandi is to mix, churn, and otherwise blend samples of all kinds of different music together in a way that just...works. I can't begin to describe it without debasing the purity of what this man does. Instead, I've tracked down this handy video, which illustrates what songs he's sampling and when, along with lyrics. This is what I've been telling people for as long as I can remember: There are many styles of music that are all good for many different reasons. Girl Talk finds those reasons and puts them together in a way that can perhaps best be described as "ear candy". So, without further ridiculous fanfare (You can add your own, if you wish. I did.) I give you...Girl Talk.

It's a trap! Amongst other things.

2009-02-27T00:19:00.009-05:00

Dedicated Readers, I have a confession to make. Lately I've been inexplicably entertained by the swath of Admiral Ackbar "It's a trap!" images circulating the Interweb as of late. I don't know what it is about it, but every time I see it, I laugh uncontrollably for a few seconds. Unimpressed by the selection of variations on this theme (It's a Tarp! etc. You've seen them.), I decided to make a few of my own. Please, let me know what you think, and feel free to use them, pass them along, what have you. I'm planning a few more, but I went on a bit of a jag on these today and I'm frankly worried Admiral Ackbar will haunt my dreams tonight.

Bizarro Video: Zangief Chronicles

2009-02-25T20:18:00.003-05:00

My dear dedicated readers, I've found something truly special for you today. Imagine if you will: A world where even the most two-dimensional character lives a fully realized, flesh-and-bone life, full of ups, downs and in-betweens, just like you and me. Now imagine this (literally) two-dimensional character is Zangief from Street Fighter 2. Now stop imagining. Stop it, I said! There's a video. It's pretty fantastic, and if you like this one, there are 3 more as of now. You can visit Zangief Chronicles here.

These things are starting to follow a strange, train-of-thought sort of path, aren't they?

UPDATE: I did some research into who made these, and it turns out it's a series of viral marketing videos. I'm not sure what these are designed to sell, but you can check out Periscope and look for yourself. Street Fighter 4, maybe? Sony isn't on their client list. I don't know and I don't care. Typical ad agency snowjob, disguising commercials as art. There seems to be nothing left in the world that isn't trying to sell you something. This is why I'm a hermit.

I'm just going to enjoy these at face value, as they're highly entertaining. I advise you to do the same.

Bizarro Video: Street Fighter 2

2009-02-18T02:30:00.002-05:00

Since we're sort of on the topic of GI Joes, I'd like to unearth this little gem from 1992. Hasbro had released Street Fighter 2 figures under the GI Joe brand, a move considered by many to be a critical factor in the fall of the 3 3/4" Joe line at the time. Well, that, neon paint schemes and spring-loaded rocket launchers, the latter 2 of which they're bringing back in full force with the new movie figures, but that's neither here nor there. No Sommers-produced nightmare could be deemed terrible when compared to the acting present in these early 90's commercials. My favorite line here is at 0:12, where Duke says "What's a Dhalsim?", the rubber-limbed yoga master kicks him in the face, and he just says, "Oh." Also, on a related note, YoJoe.com posted a recent interview with Wren Roberts, the guy who played Duke in these commercials from 1991-1993. So without further ado, I throw at you...Street Fighter 2.

Proof that I am indeed building a better fool.

2009-02-18T01:55:00.005-05:00

Hey guys and gals! So there's a thread going on right now over at my internet nestling place, HissTank.com, extolling the pleasures of poetry. Ahem. One more time. HissTank.com, poetry. Yeah, it's unusual, and yeah, I'm extremely proud to be a part of it. Check it out, every poem posted therein is magnificent. And no, nobody so far has posted any of their own poems, which is the sweetest sort of relief. Be sure to look for kneroh's post confirming that I have succeeded in building a better fool, if only for a minute. Follow me down the rabbit hole...

Bizarro Video: Cake or Death?

2009-02-17T02:41:00.009-05:00

Today's Bizarro Video features one of my favorite standup comedians. It's the one & only Eddie Izzard, doing his famous bit, Cake or Death? Now, if you've never seen Eddie do standup, I'll warn you he's a transvestite. I know that might be offputting to some people, but sweet jeebus, this guy's funny. Plus he's British, so it's okay. Anywhom, Eddie speaks for himself here, so there's not much more I can say except...Cake or Death?

Super Valen-domain-gettin'-tine's Day!

2009-02-14T00:59:00.004-05:00

Well, loyal readers, it's Valentine's Day. A day of cards, flowers, makin' the boom boom and, of course, massacres. It's also the day I'm happy to celebrate having my own domain! No longer am I to shoulder the awkward weight of the Blogspot address. If I may direct your gaze to your address bar (Just for a second! OK, now come back!) you are now proud followers of buildingabetterfool.com. It seems better, somehow, now that it's mine. So, in celebration of this momentous-ish occasion, may I present to you: The V-Day edition of Bizarro Video...Good Idea, Bad Idea.

Bizarro Video: Evil Jesus

2009-02-10T11:53:00.003-05:00

Aaaaand we're back. Today's Bizarro Video is more on the disturbing side. It's a cartoon that Jehova's Witnesses show their kids. If I could only pick one reason not to support organized religion, it'd have to be this video. Frightening on all major and subliminal levels, imagine being 6 years old and having to watch this, and everyone you know tells you it's the truth. No wonder there are so many weirdos out there. Of special note is Jesus mimicking He-Man and Superman, and my personal favorite scene, in which Our Loving Father decimates a church and kills a small child. Enjoy...Evil Jesus.

Bizarro Video: Urban Touchdown

2009-02-03T00:28:00.002-05:00

Well, crap. Looks like I lost a fan. Oh well. That's what I get for having writer's block, I suppose. The public is indeed fickle. For those of you still paying attention, I've got some more from my favorite Frenchman, Remi Gaillard. I'd honestly consider visiting France for one reason and one reason only: To see this man at work. By the way, I've got an article coming up, I just can't seem to get it right. So, in the meantime, I present to you: Urban Touchdown.

Bizarro Video: Kinder Surprise

2009-01-16T18:02:00.004-05:00

Yeah, I know, this is turning into all videos here. I promise I'll have an actual article within a couple days. In the meantime, today's Bizarro Video is from the 80's, I believe, so you may have seen it before. Even if you have, it's worth another look. This is the creepiest Humpty Dumpty I've ever seen. He's been manufactured in the style of such 80's animatronic nightmare factories as the Garbage Pail Kids movie or Ghoulies. This little horrorfest of a puppet might be speaking German, or I might be correct in my assumption that he's just speaking gibberish. Choc-a-doobie? Never mind, I don't think that's German. Whatever he's speaking, it's scary. The treasures contained within these chocolate eggs are evidently extremely popular collectibles. You can read up about it in The Wiki article. But before you do that, prepare to be creeped out by the Ferrero candy company. I give you...Kinder Surprise.

Bizarro Video: Robocop did what to your refrigerator?

2009-01-15T03:56:00.004-05:00

Yes, my loyal fans, whenever I'm feeling productive, yet lazy, I'll post a few videos and make witty comments about them. It's time for yet another Bizarro Video, and this one's a doozy. Evidently, Robocop is still alive and well in Korea. They've made him a bit more sinister, however, in that he's all chromed out and his visor is now red. I've always dug Robocop, but this....this transcends all reason. Witness our favorite nigh-indestructible harbinger of justice as he breaks through the Fourth Wall (literally), eats some lady's chicken, then arrests the refrigerator. Keep an eye on the family. I'd assume they're supposed to be OK with this, it being a chicken commercial and all, but they honestly look frightened out of their minds. I know I would be. Fried Chicken!

Bizarro Video: Mr. Show

2009-01-15T03:49:00.003-05:00

So it has been requested, so shall it be given. My buddy Jack asked for some Mr. Show, and this clip most assuredly falls under the Bizarro category. This is Bob and David at their finest. Insanity abounds! Crazy bowtie-clad British infomercial freaks abuse innocent women! David Cross leaves to take a crap! I give you......Thrilling Miracles.

Bizarro Video: Jimmy James has fancy plans, and pants to match.

2009-01-10T02:50:00.004-05:00

I'm laughing at this even as I type. Today's Bizarro Video is a bit of a departure from tradition (that I just decided is, indeed, a tradition. It's my site, dammit.) in that it's not a music video. But if ever there was a reason to watch a video that isn't music, it's because this exists. Aaaaanyway, let me set it up for you. The clip is from that immortal sitcom, NewsRadio. In the aforementioned clip, the president of the news company, Jimmy James (played to perfection by Stephen Root. The man is a genius.) wrote a book about his rise to financial independence. However, he had the book published in Japan to save a few bucks. It was translated into Japanese, then back into English, with the following hilarity as the result. Keep a close eye out, as the clip also features a young Brian Posehn. Watch it, and I dare you not to pee your pants.

(For more mistranslated hilarity, go check out Engrish.com. You'll thank me. Or maybe not. Either way, you'll be entertained far longer than my meager site will allow.)

Bizarro Video: HORSE The Band

2009-01-07T02:49:00.004-05:00

Horse the band - Birdo

Today's Bizarro Video comes to us from HORSE The Band. The video itself is no more bizarre than your average music video, but man, I LOVE these guys. The best description I can think of is hardcore, avant-garde, old-school video game-tinged metal. Everyone in the band gets 100% into what they're doing, but pay special attention to the keyboardist. I think he may be pretending he's a robot. It's hilarious, but at the same time, it rocks so damn hard. He's more metal than a lot of guys in traditional metal bands. Adding to the geeky deliciousness of HORSE The Band, he exclusively uses the Little Sound DJ chip in his keyboard, which makes it sound just like the classic NES and Game Boy. Think about it. NES music mixed with hardcore art metal. Nah, don't think about it, just listen. The song is called Birdo, and you guessed it, it's about that infamous boss from Super Mario Bros. 2.

Classic advertising at its meaty, saucy best.

2009-01-06T02:46:00.007-05:00

Now that we're into 2009, I'd like to do the time warp and bring us back to the late 1940s, when men were men, people would walk a mile for a Camel and the cold war prompted food companies to come up with all kinds of long-shelf-life canned food for people's bomb shelters. These days, the only meat in a can is fish, SPAM, its knockoffs and those nasty little vienna sausages. But the stomach-churning factor of those pale in comparison with our feature today. May I present to you:

The Oscar Meyer Can O' Meat with Sack O' Sauce.

I love the name, it describes the inevitably coppery-tasting tubes of mystery meat so well. If you're not vomiting already, think about how much lower food safety standards were in 1948. God knows what was in those things. But hey, they put the BBQ sauce in a conveniently hot-dog-slime covered pack right in the can for you!

Here's another one, not only grossing us out but illustrating how much more innocent America was way back when:

"The Wiener the world awaited!" Oscar Meyer would be laughed out of existence if they ran an ad like this today. In theory, at least. Then again, I saw an SUV with a window sticker that said simply "Cocks" the other day. It's a sports team, I suppose, but come on, people, you must WANT to be pointed out and laughed at. Also, "Wieners that get their flavor from the meat itself!" What's THAT supposed to mean? Where did they get their flavor from previously? Never mind, I'm sorry I asked. *urp*

Wow, looking over this post, I almost wish I hadn't written that. But this is such a golden example of classic post-war advertising, proving that for at least 60 years, Americans will buy any damn thing the media shoves down their throats. Even a Can O' Meat with a Sack O' Sauce.

Still not feeling pukey? Try this!

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-24T12:51:00.003-05:00

Well, it's Christmas Eve. A day of family, forgiveness and hope. I was planning on making a joke or two, but hey, it's Christmas, and I'm feeling the love, so instead I'll leave you with one of the few Frenchmen I admire, Remi Gaillard. It's kinda Christmasy, since it takes place in a mall, and there's pretty music. (Work with me here!) Just imagine walking around in the mall and seeing this happen. Merry Christmas, my precious few readers!

Bizarro Video: I Kart You

2008-12-02T16:18:00.004-05:00

Today's entry slips in the Bizarro category, but just barely, and only because the guy is wearing a goofy mustache. This song is very beautiful, it's a love song, and it's about playing Mario Kart with the one you love. Okay, I guess that's a little Bizarro too. I "found" this video thanks to Topless Robot, and he "found" it on Kotaku, so I'm passing it right along to you, whoever you are. I implore you, check it out.

My first custom!

2008-11-30T23:57:00.003-05:00

Here's my first custom. I haven't come up with a name for him yet. Feel free to leave suggestions in the comments!

It's the G.I. Joe skydiving team! Hooray, I guess.

2008-11-25T13:53:00.008-05:00

So around 1994, this sorry lot apparently traveled the country, performing at airshows and such. I can respect that, even think it's awesome. But...just...LOOK at these people.

First, there's the guy who's supposed to be Zap. He looks like David Arquette sporting a novelty mustache.

Next is "Scarlett", who first of all is blonde for some reason, and secondly, looks like the lead guitarist of W.A.S.P., seen here:

<----This guy

Then there's Snake Eyes, played by a sweaty, alcoholic, beer-gut-havin' Jonathan Frakes. Just look at him. "Go sober up and take a shower for god's sake, Number One!"

Lastly, we have The Main Guy, the dashing, the debonair, Duke! ...Wait, nope. Well, maybe... I think there's a face there, but I can't make it out under that 3-inch thick unibrow and John Boy mole.

An interesting piece of Joe history, marred by a complete lack of creativity. Where are the costumes? One can only wonder...

Introducing....Bizarro Video!

2008-11-25T10:49:00.006-05:00

Bad Acid Trip

I decided this site needs some kind of format, so I'm starting a segment. It might be weekly, it might be daily, the point is, it's my site, and I can do it whenever I feel like it. So there. Anyway, I'm calling this segment Bizarro Video. I think the name is self explanatory. I troll around, find fun videos, and you get to watch them. Our first video comes to us from a band called Bad Acid Trip. The song is called Beef Moo. I'll say it again. The song is called Beef Moo.

If that isn't enough to make you want to watch, what are you doing here? Anyway, I haven't bothered looking up anything about the band, but the song is circus peanut flavored metal, a funky trail mix of System of a Down, Weird Al Yankovic and Primus. And it's called Beef Moo. Enjoy!

Classic Kirk sees the new trailer

2008-11-20T14:41:00.001-05:00

This is just fantabulous.

The mailman brought me ninjas!

2008-11-19T18:06:00.003-05:00

Yeeeeeah. 8 ninjas.

Ever notice how the mail's never on time when you're expecting something? Maybe these guys gave him some trouble.

Cobra!

2008-11-18T14:04:00.008-05:00

Okay, so I'm a huge GI Joe geek. Always have been. When I was a kid, I had probably 100 or more different Joes. They're sadly all gone now, an unfortunate result of moving around so much. But I got back into them last year, when I was at target and saw the Cobra 5-Pack that had the new 25th Anniversary Cobra Commander, Destro, Storm Shadow, Baroness and Cobra Trooper. I promptly fell back in love with them, and now I have 22 figures and counting. There are more on their way, blindly clawing their path through the US postal system to my mailbox. That'd be the Cobra Ninja Strike Force, Snake Eyes/Hard Master comic pack, and a 25th Anniversary B.A.T.

So here are a few pics of my collection so far.

From GI Joe pics

As you can see, I'm working on ninjas and robots. Because the world needs more of both.

And now, your host...

2008-11-17T13:17:00.000-05:00

Hi there. I'm Jason, and this is my blog. It's called Foolproof, and I think you're gonna dig it. We'll be covering all kinds of things that I think I have a witty opinion of. Whether or not you, the readers out there in Internet Land, agree remains to be seen. So back to covering things, my main areas of geekdom include, but are not limited to: Metal, guitars, classic video games, current video games, movies, cartoons, just about anything horror-themed, British comedy, stand-up comedy, books, G.I. Joe collecting (just Cobra, mostly. Except for Snake-Eyes), action figures and toys in general, cooking, Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its modern incarnations, EBaying, writing (obviously), studying people. (List in no particular order, unless you are currently residing in the Republic of Congo and/or its emissaries, in which case the order is backward from #12)

Anyway, enough with the incomplete lists. I plan to be posting things a lot, as many things catch my attention. Hopefully you'll find something that interests you.